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Make Your Life Leading Lady Worthy

Ready to play with your Inner Leading Lady? To let yourself show up, be seen and SHINE confidently? To bring the star power of you into full force? Then this blog post is for YOU! Read on to find out more!

A woman putting red lipstick on

In the words of that great film dame, Auntie Mame:


“Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death.”

And I think far too many women are selling themselves short and feeling like the sucker these days. How is it that so many of our women friends and relatives, — brilliant, kind, creative, nurturing and enterprising -- are suck playing small and accepting crumbs instead living a life of beauty and adventure?


Look around and you’ll see some of the best women hiding in plain sight, and it’s time we stopped letting them, and ourselves, get away with that. It’s fine to play the supporting role from time to time in our lives, but there really should be equal space in all our lives for us to take center stage. We all need to possess Leading Lady Energy some of the time.


If you ask me, our world needs more wise women to speak up and be seen, now more than ever. There’s a lot of healing and bridges that could be built in our intensely divided world if more woman were willing to express themselves fully with all the love, empathy, and passion so many of them possess. But that kind of change starts with us.


Last week we talked about how to embody Leading Lady energy, internally. I highly recommend you check it out:





But today I thought it would be fun for all of us to take a page out of our favorite leading ladies playbook, and practice putting our Leading Lady energy into our external world. The external world can get a bad rap as merely superficial, but despite our best intentions people do tend to judge us by our appearances. And if we’re really honest, so do we.


It’s worth noting that if you want people to respect your boundaries, listen to you, take an interest in you, you need to look like the kind of woman who commands that kind of respect. Our human nature means that for many of us, seeing is believing. And tweaking our external appearances to look more like those of a Leading Lady, can remind us, to take ourselves and our needs, our voices, more seriously.


It can also be a lot of fun! So let’s get started.


Pick your Leading Lady


First, think of a woman you naturally adore who’s style and way of being the world you’d love to have for yourself. It could be anyone from Princess Diana to Sophia Loren. It’s your choice.


Describe your Leading Lady in three adjectives.

For instance:


Princess Di — Elegant, poised, caring

Auntie Mame — Fun, Optimistic, Curious

Oprah — spiritual, open-minded, down to earth

Liz Taylor — direct, self-possessed, passionate

Audrey Hepburn - charming, happy, vulnerable


Keep this woman, and these qualities in mind as you answer the questions below.



Her Mirror -- Mindset


"The mind has a powerful way of attracting things that are in harmony with it, good and bad."


I know, I know, mindset is internal, and yet it directly effects how we see ourselves and others, and how we end up expressing ourselves in the world, from our posture to our clothes, so it’s worth going over.



What does your ideal leading lady tell herself when she looks in the mirror?


Is she telling herself she’s fat? Old? Ugly? My guess is she’s not. And yet, how often do we say these things to ourselves and then wonder at why we keep choosing the unflattering clothes, or don’t speak up for ourselves confidently. Our thoughts matter.


Or is you Ideal Leading Lady telling herself she looks great, that her eyes sparkle, and that she looks confident and well put together?


What does she tell herself when meeting new people?


They won’t like me. I’m nervous. I have to make a good impression!

Or They don’t know it yet, but they’re really going to like meeting me! I’m excited to meet new people!


What does she tell herself on a hard day to cheer herself on?

What does she tell herself about her ability to change her life?





Her Style — The clothes and other things she wears


"Fashion should be a form of escapism, and not a form of imprisonment."


– Alexander McQueen


Think of a real leading lady or actress on a set. The costume designer has picked clothing to reveal who she is, not to conceal it. Your leading lady is the same, she dresses to be seen and to express who she is to others, with joy and zest.


Now let’ s take a look at what you’ve been wearing. What have you been dressing for? What do your clothes and style say about you? Many of us inadvertently dress in ways that reveal our worst feelings about ourselves instead of our best. We dress to hide, to blend in, to not be seen.


What kinds of clothes reflect your leading lady’s three adjectives?


What is your Ideal Leading Lady’s signature style element?

Does she always wear a bright red lipstick? Or a beautiful scarf? Is she known for making an all black wardrobe chic? Or for rocking statement jewelry? How about her signature leather jacket?


Does she have a signature color?

Does she have a signature scent?




Her Home — how she surrounds herself


"The best rooms have something to say about the people who live in them.”


David Hicks


Take a fresh look at your home. See it through a stranger’s eyes. What does it say about you? The French are passionate about their homes expressing who they are. The books with in it, the photos, the mementos are all carefully crafted to say something about who the owner of the home is as a person.


Movie sets are thought of just as carefully. Think of your home as the setting for your burgeoning Leading Lady.


If this was a movie set for her, what would you as the set designer want this space to hint at?


Is your Leading lady feminine? Are there books about feminine subjects around? Are there flowers? A touch of soft feminine fabrics? Or is she super glam? Are there mirrored cabinets or glossy surfaces?


What’s on her coffee table?

What’s on her bookshelves?

How is she decadent or luxurious?

— fresh flowers, a scented home, a home filled with books?

What kind of music plays in her home?




Her Table — How does she socialize


"Remember, 'No one's more important than people'! In other words, friendship is the most important thing--not career or housework, or one's fatigue--and it needs to be tended and nurtured."

— Julia Child



Movies are nothing without other people in them. You can’t just have a solo actor up there on stage alone. Even the most introverted heroine needs other people to help flesh out her story and her life.


With that in mind, how does your leading lady like to socialize?

How would she put her style and joie de vivre in her table or in entertaining?

What kinds of parties or social gatherings does she like?

Coffee dates for two? Or a big soiree with a huge guest list? A night of Pinochle or an impromptu ski trip?

What kind of parties and social engagements does she like to attend?

Who is she at a party?

Mysterious and reserved? Or a charming story teller?



Her Weekend — How she plays


"If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.”


— Groucho Marx


Leading Ladies have got to be interesting. They have to go out and do things, have adventures in order to hold our attention and have charisma. You have to make time for you. Now what you do with that time, depends on you.


How does your ideal Leading Lady enjoy spending her free time?

Does she peruse bookstores, or love traveling off the beaten path? Does she crave nature or culture? Does she like to go to concerts and listen to live music? Or head to museums to be awed?


How does she create a sense of adventure for herself?

A sense of calm and restoration?

What does she do on her weekends?

What is her favorite way to spend a free evening?


And now that you have your answers go out and live them, little by little. You don’t have to buy a whole new wardrobe, just use what you have that is closest to what you want. Make little splurges as you can. A lipstick here, a pair of leading lady heels there, as you can afford them and as they make sense to buy.


You don’t have to move to the city or quit your job to start traveling just start where you are. Take a road trip to a nearby town you’ve never explored before. Read up on cities you’d love to visit.


Rearrange the decor you do have, put out the coffee table books gathering dust somewhere you never see them. Go window shopping online to see what you like without even buying.


This is a journey, not a destination. There is no rush, and no finish line. So have fun taking your time and getting to know you.


I hope that helps you to take center stage in your life, and have more fun!


If you'd like a little more help around this and the steps, I am available for one on one coaching on this topic and more!


Having outside eyes on your struggles with an experienced coach can be a real game changer! Be sure and drop me a line to find out more in Facebook Messenger or at info@desireesommer.com


Thank you so much for reading, I will see you next week,



In the meantime, be sure and check out these posts:




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