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Four Ways to Embody Leading Lady Energy in Your Life

Feel like a guest star or supporting role in your own life? Always doing for others? Feel awkward in the limelight? Here’s four fun ways to stop hiding, show up and learn to take center stage in your own life.


Woman with a film clapper in front of her.

Arthur: Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason, you're behaving like the best friend.


Iris: You're so right. You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life for God's sake!

— From the film The Holiday




I have a bit of a confession to make. Though I generally like being the person who lingers on the edges of the room, and not playing it up for the center stage, I’ve always had a longing to play the leading lady. The divas who get away with it, the scene-stealing, sparkling bombshells, who positively glitter in the spotlight.


Sometimes we may love to hate them, it’s true, but doesn’t some part of us, even those of us who often feel safer in the shadows playing wallflower, admire their courage and long for just a little of their glory?


Too many of us, like Iris in the quote above, have ended playing the best friend, or supporting actress in our own damn lives for goodness sakes. We’re hiding behind the people in our lives, and worse, holding back, all while wishing for a life of just a little bit more. More glamour. More fun. More adventure. But to get that, we’ve gotta learn to show up more.


And on that note, who better to help us get back to center, and center stage of our lives, than a Leading Lady? In the spirit of that, here is a fun, tongue-in-cheek way to take a page from her book and learn to embody Leading Lady energy in your own life! Enjoy!


First, who is your favorite leading lady? It could be an actress, model, socialite or anyone else who has the kind of iconic leading lady energy you’d love to embody? Jackie O? Gigi Hadid? Lauren Bacall? Lucille Ball?


It can be any of those, your leading lady energy will be as unique to you as your fingerprints. Use her example as you think about the steps below.



Leading Ladies know how to…


1. Make an Entrance — (cultivate your mindset)


Other mere mortals may wander and schlep into any old scene with nary a thought of strategy, but Leading Ladies know that making an entrance requires a little artful planning and mindset magic.


How does your favorite leading lady enter a room? Is she confident or insecure? Playful or stiff? Sexy or reserved? Because however she’s showing up, you can bet it’s been carefully chosen and cultivated. She’s not just going to show up any old mood she’s in.


And neither are you. What thoughts can you choose to create the same kind of presence in you that you admire in her? Today, choose one thought or mantra that embodies your leading lady’s essence. Write it on a card, or put it in your phone and review before you enter a room, make a phone call, write an email, or show up anywhere in your life.



2. Own the Room — (train your focus)


Leading ladies have all eyes on them the moment the enter the room. They know how to command attention, and make the room come alive. And, news flash, it’s not their looks or style that are doing the heavy lifting here, it’s their focus.


Most of us walk into a room and worry endlessly about how we’re coming across, and what everyone is thinking about us, we end up stuck in self-consciousness. Our focus is turned inward on us, and our experience in the room, our nerves and feelings.


But Leading Ladies are completely present to others. Their focus is on making other people feel a certain way. Think of your iconic leading lady… If she’s sexy, she probably makes other people around her feel sexy too, if she’s girly and fun, she probably brings out the childlike fun in others.


Next time you’re in the company of others, redirect your attention to them and how they’re feeling. Whatever quality you admire in your Icon, ask yourself, how can I bring out that quality in the person before me? Don’t try to impress or charm, instead, let yourself be charmed and seduced by them.




3. Make Demands like a Diva -- (practice asking for what you want)


I’ll let you in on a little counter-intuitive secret that every marketing guru, politician and charmer knows. Most wallflowers and Supporting Actresses think they can charm people and win them over by doing them favors, usually before they’ve even asked for them.


But study after study shows, the opposite is true. People like doing favors for you, in fact, it makes them like you more. When you ask people for help, for a favor, or for what you want, and they can deliver, they actually bond to you more. And a Leading Lady know this.


People won’t reject you for making small (or even big) demands on them, in fact, they’ll come back wanting more. We all love to feel needed and useful, and the people around you deserve to feel that way too, so, ask yourself, what could I use in this moment? What have I been afraid to ask for? What do I want? And practice asking for it with the same confidence as your leading lady.



4. Make an Exit / Throw a Tantrum — (set better boundaries)


“I am not difficult. I am definite.” — Hedy Lamar


Leading ladies know how to throw a tantrum on screen and off, but I’m not going to ask you to learn how to throw an adult tizzy or break a vase for effect, as gratifying as that might be in some moments. What I am going to ask, is that you learn to be both difficult and definite. Don’t settle.


Know what you want, what your deal breakers are, and being willing to stick by it, even when it causes a scene. Too many women are out there giving too much for too little in return, and it shows. You can’t force someone to value you, show up for you, or to not cross your boundaries. But you can learn to adamantly leave them behind.


A mentor of mine calls it the Red Velvet Rope policy. You only honor your time and value by making sure people who don’t do the same, can’t get in to the party that is your life. You have to learn to kick users and abusers to the curb. Leading ladies know their worth and are willing to break a vase or two to get their point across.


Today, who do you need to let go of? Where are you settling or underselling yourself? Do you have friendships that aren’t equal? Do you have coworkers who rely too much on you? How can you distance yourself with dignity? Would your favorite leading lady tolerate this relationship? Or would she leave?



I hope that helps you to take center stage in your life, and have more fun! If you'd like a little more help around this and the steps, I am available for one on one coaching on this topic and more!


Having outside eyes on your struggles with an experienced coach can be a real game changer! Be sure and drop me a line to find out more in Facebook Messenger or at info@desireesommer.com


Thank you so much for reading, I will see you next week!

In the meantime, be sure and check out these posts:







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