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The Art of Becoming (the woman you want to be )

When was the last time someone asked you, sincerely, "Who do you want to be? What do you want your life to stand for? Too often, we settle for becoming who the people around us need or expect us to be... Instead of asking ourselves these questions, and listening to our own answers.

And it's not surprising when we end up unhappy and unfulfilled following other people's ideas of a life well-lived. Read on to find how to fix that.

An Elegant Woman holding flowers in a field during the Golden Hour of Sunset


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Let me ask you a question, who do you think you are?

How often do we shape that answer out of who others tell us we are? How often do we, with beautiful intentions, shape ourselves to our community and who they need us to be?

Mother, boss, manager, caretaker, picker-upper, nurturer, marketer, dutiful daughter, resident peacemaker, magic-birthday-maker.

We are often encouraged to discover ourselves from the outside in.

I was recently reminded of this when I took a personality test… Actually, I took two of them. :) I do love a good online test that gives me pieces of myself to puzzle over.

But, it’s a seductive thing, isn’t it? Focusing on who or what other people tell us we should be. Discovering ourselves constantly through the lens of others.

Whether that’s a personality test, an astrology reading, a girlfriend who thinks she knows what you should do, or a life coach who promises you the moon…

But looking at ourselves constantly & only from the outside in can be deeply problematic.

We start to see ourselves and our lives not through our own beautiful perspective, grounded in our spirit and emotions, but merely through the lens of how other people see us.

Which is often colored by their own histories, perspectives, needs & blind spots. We can end up relying more on outer authority figures to tell us who we are, what to do, and how to live, rather than our own inner authority.

Playing that game, we end up feeling like we are living someone else's life, playing second to fiddle to others even in our own stories, and leaving our own joy and wisdom, the magic & music we were meant to put out into the world, sitting on the table un-lived & unplayed.

We too often forget that no one can ever see us as clearly as we can.

We forget the beautiful authority we already are on our lives. We forget to check in with our own inner knowing.

Collage of bare feet in summer grass, a woman on tip toe reaching up to kiss her partner, a beach at the golden hour with a woman walking on it, a man reading a book on a grassy hill and nothing but beautiful wilderness around.

Every one of you knows somewhere inside of you what you *need* to do, what you *long* to do, and who you would love to become if you got the permission to trust, to listen to that inner voice.

But most of us are simply taught ( relentlessly ) not to trust it. We’re taught that our instincts are faulty and wrong.

We’re taught to let fear run us. Fear we can't be trusted, fear we'll fail, fear that the people around us might abandon us, or ostracize us if we listened to and acted on it.

What we’re *not* taught is the people & successes that might run towards us if we were fully ourselves & listened to that inner knowing.

If we catered to some of our wilder desires in little doses. If we started to consider who we *want* to be. If we started to ask ourselves more questions and listened to our own answers.

But how often are we even told that’s a possibility?

So, I'd like to invite you to do just that today. To play with those questions, to linger over a cup of coffee and a journal considering just that…

Who do *I* want to be? What do I want my life to look like? What do I want my next steps to be? That’s something you don’t need a life coach or a guru for. You just need you & a little space, and a sense of fun & adventure.

Ask yourself, what sounds delicious? What sounds like fun? What sounds frothy and full of sparkle for you and your future?

So with that in mind, are you ready to discover your own answers?

Then let's do just that!


1 Inspiration


Diane Von Furstenberg talks powerfully about how knowing who she wanted to be, listening to her own inner voice, inspired her most successful decisions.


2 Journal


Pull out a journal, put on some beautiful music, light a candle & ask yourself:


Survival and independence are important to DVF.

What’s important to you?


What do you want your life to be a legacy of?

What 3 words would you want people to see envisioned boldly when they look at your life?


3 Weekly Way to Play


Envision Your Future

Write about your future as the woman who you want to become. How does she spend her time? Who's around her? What's important to her? What does her day look like? And how does she feel in her life? What has she accomplished in the last five or ten years that she's proud of? Where is she going next? Now spend some time making a mini vision board that embodies that woman. It could be one photo with your 3 words, or it could 6 photos on a sheet of paper. Put it up on a bathroom mirror to remind you to use her wisdom to guide your day. What would "she" do? Wear? Eat? Go? How would she handle this situation at work?

Get used to relying on and trusting your own instincts by accessing this inner you and see what magic happens!


Here's what I know...

Who you are becoming is unique to you… No two souls will ever look alike, and neither will their life path.

What that path is, or how it looks (particularly to the outside world) isn’t nearly as important as the act of deciding it for yourself… Other people can support your decisions, they can help you find and trust that inner voice, but only you know the way. Only you know your path.

And we need this inner "you" now more than ever.

The world needs more tuned in, intuitively listening and passionate women playing in their lives. Making magic out of ordinary moments.

Who you decide you are matters. The direction you decide to pour yourself into is worthy and important.

Wishing you many beautiful moments of self-discovery this week.

All my love,


Desiree Sommer


Desirée Sommer is an Interior Designer & Writer dedicated to helping those around her to Beautify, Style & make their lives Fun again! She happily resides in the rural beauty of Idaho with her pet pooch Bree, where she gets to take epic hikes, and plot her next big travel escapade.


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