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Turn Envy Into a Treasure Map that Works for You

Jealousy. Envy. We all have it, whether we admit it or not. The question is how are you going to deal with it? Secretly seethe in resentment, letting it eat away at you every time you see “her”? Or use it to propel a whole new you? Read on to find out more…

Treasure map with a magnifying glass on top of it

You know her when you see her. Whether it’s in your office, in the grocery store, or even on the T.V. That one woman who drives you, a normally safe, sane and confident woman, absolutely nuts.

Maybe she shows up to work every day wearing Gucci, cleavage and red lipstick even on casual Fridays without apology (and gets away with it).

...Or maybe she’s the one always asking you to cover for her at work while she trots off to yet another all expenses paid vacation in the Maldives with her new Italian boyfriend, while you spend every weekend doing housework.

Perhaps she’s a friend who’s suddenly turned her career into a six figure one, leaving you alone to muddle it out with your cup of noodles, alone & still struggling to make ends meet.

Whoever she is, and for whatever the reason that you just can’t stand her, it’s important to remember that the green-eyed monster can strike any of us from time to time. And it can turn even the most angelic among us into people we hardly recognize.

Unexpectedly, despite our best efforts not to, we’re making snide comments behind a coworker’s back at the water fountain or barbed comments at a friend’s party, and wonder why on earth we did that.

Unrequited jealousy can ruin our friendships, our workplace, and our reputations faster than we realize if we let it.

We end up playing the jealous Wicked Queen to someone's else's Snow White. Though at the time, we often think we’re justified in offering these little poisoned barbs to little Miss Thinks-she's-better-than-us. After all, in our minds, we’re not really playing dirty here, we’re just evening out the playing field.

The problem with offering the poisoned apple to her, just to even out the playing field, is that we always end up eating it ourselves, instead. We don’t render her powerless with our little barbs and sneak attacks… We end up hurting ourselves.

The fact is, she’s driving you bananas because she represents something in your own life you’ve been ignoring. She’s playing out in real time an unrealized version of yourself, often in places where you’ve decided you don’t really belong. The dark voids you’ve been telling yourself you don’t get to play in. Beauty. Wealth. Sex. Power. Men. Travel... It could be anything.

Often at some point in our lives, someone tells us we aren’t pretty, so it's a good thing we're smart. Probably when we're very young, and vulnerable to that kind of labeling. Or maybe you overheard an adult talking about how greedy and soulless rich people were, "not like us." Or how lonely it was at the top for a career woman.

We internalize these words more than we realize, and they simmer away in the background of our subconscious just out of reach. We live our lives, never fully realizing why we’ve decided beauty isn’t for us, or having money, or getting a loving relationship.

It can hardly feel fair when we are inevitably confronted with just the opposite. A woman who gets to go into all those fun, glamorous & fantastically forbidden areas that we don’t.

She's not playing by our unwritten rules. She’s got a career and a killer love life. She’s sexy and powerful. She’s beautiful and smart. She’s rich and well-liked.

And it can feel like no matter how hard we try to fill that void ourselves, we always fail. We try to play around with feeling sexy and buy the lingerie, only to put it on and feel dumpy. We buy the red lipstick only to get a few unflattering comments. We invest in the stock market but we just lose money.

Purchasing things or putting things on seems like an easy solve to the problem, but it rarely works because what we really need is let go of our old stories. We need to subtract things, not pile on. And that's an inside job.

And it takes time. Expect a lot of first runs at it that can feel inept and clumsy. In fact, it can feel easier to just give up, then to keep showing up and taking vulnerable step after vulnerable step forward. Which is why so many of us fail to keep trying. And continuing to show up, is the key to success.

So here’s a little game plan to help you kick start the process:

1. Fully commit to being the Wicked Queen.

At least for this exercise. In fact, be worse. Be truly spiteful, vindictive, arbitrary and judgmental as you unpack your beliefs around this woman. What does she have that you can’t stand? And why is it unfair that she has this thing? Why is what she doing totally wrong, inappropriate, clueless, etc? What would you tell her if you could get away with it? How should she act?

Now, take a look at your answers. What’s showing up? Where is the void in your life?

What are positive expressions of this trait? For instance, is every woman who wants attentions and gets it an attention whore? Or do some use the attention they command for good causes? For inspire? Maybe even just to entertain and lighten people’s lives, for instance?

2. Reverse the Roles.

What if this woman was your mentor, your fairy godmother, or maybe fairy mentor, assigned to you to help you live into this new place? What if she really liked you, and saw your potential in this area and didn’t buy a single one of your excuses? What advice would she give you? What tiny suggestions to live into this new part of you would she have you try?

3. Reframe the story around you.

Let’s stop looking at the story as one of competition, comparison and revenge. No more snow white and the wicked Queen. Instead, how about centering the story around you, and not “her.”

This is your life after all, shouldn’t the story in your head be yours? So why not make this story a fantastic make-over one, like Cinderella or the Princess Diaries? You know the story, right? A newbie, a diamond in the rough, with a lot of potential and some help from her friends becomes the refined woman she’s always wanted to be.

It’s a story that centers you, and takes the pressure off of you being the Stunning Beauty or the Wealthy Maven, or the Sexy Flirt, right off the bat, without any practice. It gives you leeway to fall down a few times, have some trial runs, and most importantly keep moving forward. And it lets you get so busy with your new adventure, that you no longer have the time to pay attention to hers.

With that in mind, take teeny tiny actions steps based on your answers to #2. Let it be ok to fail, to have it feel awkward and to get comments. Make it ok to be vulnerable, and keep going.

And my last note to you, in case you're wondering, why do this at all? Why go through the work or be vulnerable?

Because your biggest growth opportunities will happen in those hurt and awkward places.

And because you deserve to have what you want. Beauty. Intimacy. Wealth. A career. A love life you love. Travel. Free time. All the things. But you can’t have them until you’re willing to show up in those places, vulnerable, and ready to be uncomfortable. Isn't that worth a little vulnerability?

If you'd like a little more help around this and the steps, I am available for private one-on-one coaching on this topic and more!

Having outside eyes on your struggles with an experienced coach can be a real game changer! Be sure and drop me a line to find out more in Facebook Messenger or at

Thank you so much for reading, I will see you next week,

In the meantime, be sure and check out these posts:



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