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Your life is waiting for you in the Ordinary moments

Why wait for the Vacation in Tahiti, that Sexy Italian Model to date you, or that Big Promotion to love yourself and your life? Why not chose to do it now?

“If you want to see how well a woman loves herself, look at how she treats her every day life. ”

It’s easy to love yourself on vacation in Tahiti or when you’ve won that big account. It’s easy to love yourself when a partner is bringing red roses, and taking you on a candlelit Italian meal. But what happens all the other days of the year?

It’s during our ordinary, every day lives that we can sometimes struggle to love ourselves fully. It’s hard to see the beauty when there is the mountain of laundry, to feel worthy even though the “to do” list never seems to fully get done. And yet those moments take up so much of our life, that I have to ask you, isn’t it worth it to make those moments worthwhile too?

The Gottman Institute became famous in nineties by predicting they could accurately predict a couples chances of divorce by just four characteristics, which they dubbed the Four Horsemen of Marriage Apocalypse: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling.

Criticism: disapproval and fault-finding, based on the judgement of the merits or faults of someone or something. A focus on mistakes.

Contempt: To believe something or someone is worthless, beneath consideration or deserving of scorn.

Defensiveness: to justify, excuse or vindicate our current thoughts and actions as right, even highly negative and destructive ones, at the expense of others.

Stonewalling: The worst of the lot, a complete shunning. The refusal to participate, collaborate or acknowledge another. A complete withdrawal from and rejection as punishment.

It’s horrifying to imagine treating a loved one like that, but what about how we treat our ordinary, everyday lives? I think I can predict how happy a woman is in her life by those same characteristics.

How often are we left with only disapproval for our ordinary lives? Finding only faults, instead of beauty. Judging instead of being open to the moment. Refusing to collaborate or create in our lives until they get better? Is that love? Is that the best we have to offer ourselves?

Because truthfully, we may think it’s our one-woman assault against the ordinary, but the only person we’re really hurting is ourselves. And making life a loving adventure of extraordinary moments comes only when we’re willing to put our attention, and a little elbow grease, into making even the ordinary moments count.

What ordinary moments in your life can you start pay attention to and romance?



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